America’s self-proclaimed team is America’s mess right now.

The Dallas Cowboys are playing some bad football, embarrassingly bad football. The Cowboys did the unthinkable Sunday when owner Jerry Jones’ birthday celebration turned bad as somebody decided to throw the proverbial turd in the punch bowl.

On his 82nd birthday, the Cowboys were blown out, 47-9, by the Detroit Lions at home in a game that seemed far worse than the score. The Cowboys could have played with 12 guys on defense and still not stopped the Lions.

It was the worst home loss for Jones as owner of the team. It also comes after home blowout losses to the New Orleans Saints and Baltimore Ravens earlier this year.

The Cowboys stink.

Sure, they are missing a ton of talent on the defensive side of the ball, talent that includes four players who would be in their front seven rotation, including star edge Micah Parsons, but there wasn’t anything close to resistance against the Lions. At least show up for the owner’s birthday, maybe.

As for the offense, it had no chance to keep up, but that side of the ball made its fair share of mistakes as well. It has no running game at all to help Dak Prescott. Ezekiel Elliott looks like a guard running.

After the game, Jones said coach Mike McCarthy is safe for now. But for how long? When do the Bill Belichick rumors start to intensify? Next week? Now?

The Cowboys are 3-3, but it feels more like a 1-5 team right now. They have been outscored in their three homes games by the score of 119-53. The good news is their next game is on the road after their bye week. The bad news is it’s against the San Francisco 49ers, another high-octane offense that will test their beat-up defense.

The Cowboys were my pick to win the NFC East — they currently have the third-best division title odds at FanDuel — but this team hardly resembles the one I thought we’d see. Maybe running it back from a year ago with virtually the same roster wasn’t a good idea after all.

Dallas is down to No. 17 in my Power Rankings this week, which is a far cry from being a division winner or a playoff team. After the 49ers, the Cowboys play at Atlanta, home against the Eagles and Texans and then at Washington. It is a brutal five-game stretch. If they don’t navigate that by winning at least two, they could be done.

That would be the end for McCarthy, and it would raise the Belichick talk to a higher level. Jerry Jones has to be seething inside.

Happy Birthday, Jerry. The Lions just dumped 47 on your team — and at home, no less.

It’s hard to imagine a worse gag gift — as in making him gag — than that.

Biggest Movers

Rk	Teams		Chg	Rcrd
1	Chiefs	They come off their bye with a big road game at San Francisco against the 49ers. The defense will be tested in the Super Bowl rematch.	—	5-0-0
2	Vikings	Coming off their bye, they face the Lions at home, which will be a big division game. The Brian Flores defense will be challenged by that Lions offense.	—	5-0-0
3	Texans	They just keep rolling, but the schedule starts to get tougher in the next month. The good news is their division isn’t very good.	—	5-1-0
4	Lions	They came off their bye and blew out the Cowboys in impressive fashion. The injury to Aidan Hutchinson will be felt in a big way. The offense might need to do even more.	—	4-1-0
5	Ravens	Lamar Jackson is the leader for the MVP. That offense is rolling. The defense does need to be better.	—	4-2-0
6	Packers	Jordan Love looked like the Jordan Love we expected to see this season in throwing four touchdown passes against the Cardinals. That offense will be explosive the rest of the way.	1	4-2-0
7	Bills	That was an enormous victory Monday night over the Jets on the road. They have a stronghold on the division right now. They just need guys back on defense.	1	4-2-0
8	Falcons	They’ve won two straight to get to the top of the division. The defense still has a lot of work to do, but the offense is clicking.	2	4-2-0
9	Bears	Caleb Williams is getting better by the week, which is not a good thing for the rest of the division. They are 4-2 and he is back in the NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year conversation.	2	4-2-0
10	Buccaneers	They dominated the Saints on the road with a strong showing on offense, but they have to cut down on the mistakes. They have a big one with Baltimore this week.	3	4-2-0
11	49ers	Winning at Seattle was big for this banged-up team. They still aren’t quite clicking all the way, which is not a good thing with the undefeated Chiefs on tap this week.	3	3-3-0
12	Commanders	They gave up a lot of big plays on defense in the loss to the Ravens. That has been a season-long issue, but Jayden Daniels couldn’t overcome it against Baltimore.	6	4-2-0
13	Steelers	They won with defense and timely playmaking by Justin Fields against the Raiders — especially with his legs. He has to stay in as the starter.	2	4-2-0
14	Chargers	Coming out of the bye, they dominated the Broncos. The defense really showed up as they’ve overcome a lot of injuries on that side of the ball.	6	3-2-0
15	Eagles	They won a game against Cleveland, but it still doesn’t look right. The offense isn’t good, which remains a concern. Nick Sirianni needs to focus on coaching and not the fans.	1	3-2-0
16	Seahawks	That fast start seems like a long time ago, as they’ve lost three straight games. The defense has all kinds of issues, which is strange since Mike Macdonald is the team’s coach.	4	3-3-0
17	Cowboys	The defense has way too many injuries to be able to even slow down a good offense. Mike McCarthy’s seat is searing right now.	8	3-3-0
18	Broncos	The offense is too limited, which puts a lot of pressure on the defense. If Patrick Surtain II is out for any length of time with a concussion, the defense has issues.	1	3-3-0
19	Jets	The new-coach bump didn’t change the losing. Even so, the offense looked better against the Bills. But that is a damning loss.	1	2-4-0
20	Saints	Even if Derek Carr played against the Buccaneers, it wouldn’t have mattered. They gave up 51 points at home. Spencer Rattler did some good things in his first start, so don’t blame him.	1	2-4-0
21	Colts	Joe Flacco didn’t look great, but he found a way to beat the Titans with some timely throws. The defense played well.	1	3-3-0
22	Bengals	It wasn’t pretty against the Giants, but they found a way. The defense was better, which is a good sign going forward.	2	2-4-0
23	Cardinals	The defense just isn’t talented enough, and it shows up on a weekly basis. That will lead to inconsistency week in and week out.	2	2-4-0
24	Giants	You can’t win a lot of games scoring seven points, which they did against the Bengals. They missed Malik Nabers in a big way, but he could be back this week.	1	2-4-0
25	Raiders	Gardner Minshew or Aidan O’Connell? Does it really matter? They aren’t good enough on offense right now.	—	2-4-0
26	Rams	The key for them the rest of the way is getting healthy. They’ve had to deal with a plethora of injuries to key players. The bye week came at a good time.	—	1-4-0
27	Titans	They don’t do enough on offense. Is it time to make a quarterback change? The receivers don’t help, either	—	1-4-0
28	Dolphins	They come off their bye hoping that Tyler Huntley can handle more of the offense. In a bad division, they are far from done.	—	2-3-0
29	Jaguars	This is a mess. It’s time to make changes. Yet Shad Khan says he still believes in his head coach and GM. Please.	—	1-5-0
30	Browns	It’s the same story: Deshaun Watson can be really bad and it doesn’t matter. They won’t make a change, which is absurd.	—	1-5-0
31	Patriots	They aren’t going anywhere, but they did the right thing by playing Drake Maye, who played a solid game in his first start. It’s his season to use for personal growth now.	—	1-5-0
32	Panthers	Andy Dalton and the offense can score, but the defense can’t stop anybody. They will stay down here all season long.	—	1-5-0