Parent Trap celebrations, Greg Zuerlein’s cheerleader audition, Lamar Jackson wizardry and Aaron Rodgers’ Christmas present – it’s Week Five awards time in the NFL!

Story of the day…

On Friday I asked Minnesota Vikings quarterback Sam Darnold for his take on why passing yards were down across the league, with teams on pace to average the fewest yards since 2003. Was it the influx of umbrella coverages and two-deep safety looks to chop down on chunk plays? Was it young quarterbacks being tossed into the fire early and enduing rocky starts? There were multiple variables, to which Darnold alluded.

The NFL might have heard me. It might have heard all critics pondering a decline in passing production. In a ‘don’t poke the bear’ response, offenses seemed to wake up this week – at least across the pond (why do you have to be so good, Brian Flores?!).

Kirk Cousins dropped 509 yards on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after his discovery of Swag Surfin. Coincidence? I think not. Caleb Williams put up 304 yards on the Carolina Panthers in a timely warm-up for his London trip; Trevor Lawrence compensated delivered his best performance of the season with 371 yards against the Indianapolis Colts, for whom Joe Flacco posted 359 yards; CJ Stroud fended off Josh Allen with 331 yards; Joe Burrow threw for 392 yards and five touchdowns while Lamar Jackson had 348 yards and four touchdowns. Even Daniel Jones was a squeaky clean 23 of 34 for 257 yards and two touchdowns.

Josh Allen took the pass production slander so personally that he and Sean McDermott risked three straight bizarre throws from their own end zone in the final seconds against the Texans, as opposed to chewing down the clock and settling for overtime. It resulted in the Bills punting from their own end zone and straight into field goal range, where Kaʻimi Fairbairn was on hand to seal Houston’s fourth win of the season. There is aggression, there is full-throttle winning football, and then there was that head-scratcher, leaving Scott Hanson on the verge of a heart attack on red zone.

Unadulterated chaos became the story of NFL Sunday in Week Five, amplified by bombs away offenses and the flurry of defensive touchdowns that would punish as much. At one stage, the Texans and Bills were all tied up at 20-20 with seconds to spare, the Colts had pulled within three of the Jaguars with three minutes to spare after fighting back with 24 unanswered points in the fourth quarter, and the Ravens and Bengals were level at 38-38 after Justin Tucker’s field goal in the final two minutes to send the game to overtime.

Among the headlines was a reminder of Burrow’s brilliance as the Bengals quarterback went toe-to-toe with two-time MVP Lamar Jackson, only to see his efforts go unrewarded as Cincinnati slumped to 1-4 after squandering a 10-point lead with nine minutes to play in the game. That his late interception would prove so costly was an unjust reflection of Burrow’s day, while Ja’Marr Chase’s frustration continued as his latest pitch for a record-breaking contract of 10 catches for 193 yards and two touchdowns amounted to little.

“We’re not a championship-level team right now,” said Burrow. “We’re not. I like to think that we’ll come back and improve throughout the season to get to that point, but right now we are not and we have to get better.”

The ‘Christmas came early’ of the day

‘Christmas came early for you’, Aaron Rodgers told Andrew Van Ginkel after the Vikings linebacker had bailed into coverage and deciphered the eyes of the four-time MVP quarterback to make a smart interception before racing away for a 63-yard pick-six. It might have felt like Christmas all day for Rodgers, such became his familiarity with a sack (three of which he took).

Flores and Van Ginkel. Has the sound and feel of a 9pm cop drama; Flores the storied veteran and case-cracking mastermind rarely out-smarted, and Van Ginkel the wily enforcer with the flowing locks tailor-made for slow-motion chase scenes and the self-assuming attitude of a willing protégé. Wait, should I write a cop drama?

Van Ginkel has become the epitome of the 2024 Brian Flores defense in Minnesota, the cut-price offseason addition privy to the diligent and selfless requirements of an ‘everybody eats’ firing squad. He punches running lanes, he skates off the edge as a pass rusher, he crabs sideline-to-sideline, he retreats into coverage. The reward came in the form of a second pick-six of the season on Sunday as Flores’ defense put Rodgers in hell, Stephon Gilmore fittingly icing things with an interception in the final minute.

Former NFL wide receiver Brandon Marshall asked Vikings defensive lineman Jonathan Greenard for the first word that came to mind when he thought of Brian Flores.

“Chaos,” he swiftly replied. “We call it controlled chaos.”

The Vikings blitzed Rodgers on 42.1 per cent of dropbacks on the day, the results being three sacks, an interception and just 82 yards allowed at an average of 3.9 yards per attempt, per NextGen Stats. Another Flores clinic arrived at a time of need as the Vikings offense, for the first time this season, stalled behind Sam Darnold. Both Kevin O’Connell and Darnold were quick to acknowledge as much, and there is no shame in a down day against this Jets defense.

Marshall implored a straight-faced Van Ginkel to cheer up as he reflected on his interception of Rodgers, issuing a reminder that he had just picked off a future Hall of Fame quarterback. Van Ginkel afforded himself a self-effacing chuckle, immediately pointing towards Flores and his ability to put players in the right position. Flo has this defense ready to run through walls and follow every command.

Pick-six of the day

“I didn’t think he was going to make it,” joked Greenard of Van Ginkel’s pick-six in his post-game press conference. Nobody inside Tottenham Hotspur Stadium thought he was going to make it, perhaps not until Harrison Smith delivered a runway-clearing block on the perimeter.

On any given day, it would be a gimme’ for pick-six of the day. Not on this carnage-enthused Sunday.

Denver Broncos cornerback Pat Surtain II produced a 100-yard interception return touchdown in a 34-18 victory over the Las Vegas Raiders, while a scrambling and falling Jordan Love endured his own Will Levis moment (sorry, Will Levis) as he tossed an astonishingly bad interception to Los Angeles Rams cornerback Jaylen McCollough from his own end zone to gift-wrap a four-yard pick-six. For pure comedic value, and for it to come from one of the NFL’s brightest quarterback stars, Love is the unwanting recipient of pick-six of the day.

With a day of explosive offense came a day of defensive and special teams touchdowns, Seattle Seahawks safety Rayshawn Jenkins also running back a 102-yard fumble return to the house against the New York Giants, for whom wide receiver Bryce Ford-Wheaton returned a blocked field goal for a 60-yard touchdown.

Elsewhere San Francisco 49ers defensive back Deommodore Lenoir also recorded a 61-yard blocked field goal return for a touchdown.

Midnight thought of the day

When we talk about the most destructive, disruptive, fearsome defenders in football, Dexter Lawrence has to be part of that conversation. The Giants nose tackle is a one-man wrecking ball on the interior of Shane Bowen’s defense, underlining his dominance by accounting for three of New York’s seven sacks against the Seahawks on Sunday while finishing with four quarterback hits on Geno Smith.

It lifts him to six sacks on the year, tied for second in the NFL alongside Kyle Van Noy and Will McDonald IV while sitting just half a sack behind league-leading Aidan Hutchinson. He was moving with the speed, quickness and agility with which no 340lb nose tackle shoulder move, out-muscling Seattle’s offensive line with pure power and out-maneuvering them with the swim-and-chop arms of a pure pass rusher.

Trench supremacy wins football games and sets a franchise on its way. When the Giants can match a swarming performance from its defensive front with fortified pass protection, they look a completely different outfit. Amid the Giants’ shaky start to the season, Lawrence deserves his flowers as one of the most dominant players in the game.

Monday morning coffee thought of the day

It is time for the Cleveland Browns to bench Deshaun Watson. It is time for the Cleveland Browns to face the music and stomach the pain of what might go down as the worst contract in NFL history.

The Watson that once played at an MVP level is long gone, and he has now become a debilitating factor within a Browns offense that has become a non-starter. The latest indictment arrived on Sunday as Jayden Daniels, a player bearing a similar makeup to that of Watson at his best years ago, torched Cleveland to continue his blistering start through the air and on the ground.

Watson was 15 of 28 for 125 yards and one touchdown. He is still yet to throw for more than 200 yards through five weeks this season.

And with that, the award for ‘could become a Kansas Chiefs Chiefs player soon’ is Amari Cooper, whose contract restructure makes him a feasible option for Andy Reid’s receiver-needy champions in the wake of Rashee Rice’s injury. Cooper is still among the league’s most gifted route-runners, and while settling into the Chiefs offense under Patrick Mahomes is no quick and easy task, the veteran wideout represents an avenue towards an answer in their bid to keep a historic three-peat alive.

The ‘running away from my problems like…’ of the day

Over to you, Lamar Jackson. The scramble, the stiff arm, the vision to keep his eyes downfield, the mutant athleticism, the bravery to throw across his body to find Isaiah Likely for the unlikeliest of touchdowns.

Even Derrick Henry was left in awe.

Celebration of the Week

Intercepting Aaron Rodgers calls for something special – somebody should tell Andrew Van Ginkel that. Cam Bynum wasn’t going to waste his opportunity, celebrating his pick against the Jets with Josh Metellus by re-enacting the handshake seen from Lindsay Lohan and Simon Kunz in the film The Parent Trap.

“We’re on a generational celebration run right now,” laughed Bynum. “Three weeks in a row, we’ve had some fire celebrations. This might have been one of my favourites because that’s one of my favourite movies, and it’s based in London.

“As soon as I knew we were playing in London, I watched that movie last week, I’m like this is it. My mindset is I gotta have something ready every week.”

The thing that went Wright of the day

Mike McDaniel’s Miami Dolphins stopped the rot on Sunday as they ended a three-game skid by ousting the New England Patriots 15-10. Their quarterback struggles remain evident after Tyler Huntley completed just 18 of 31 passes for 194 yards and an interception, but Miami restored some joy on the ground courtesy of Jaylen Wright.

Wright led the team with 13 carries for 86 yards as he saw an increased role having arrived in the offseason as a fourth-round draft pick out of Tennessee, offering Miami such much-needed juice on the ground as they sought to soften the burden on Huntley. Raheem Mostert also chipped in with 19 carries for 80 yards in a sign of a backfield tandem that could allow McDaniel to free up De’Von Achane for a more multiple role.

At the same time, Tyreek Hill was held to just 69 yards as Miami’s leading receiver as Tua Tagovailoa’s value continues to be amplified by his absence.

The thing that went wrong of the day

It was a happy day for the Jacksonville Jaguars, albeit not without the threat of more late heartbreak. Cam Little held his nerve to split the posts with a game-winning field goal in the final seconds against the Colts as Doug Pederson’s side ended their winless start to the season to lift the mood ahead of their trip to London.

Tensions had been running high, however. Earlier in the game Trevor Lawrence and wide receiver Gabe Davis reportedly had to be divided by teammates during a spat on the sidelines, matters becoming more awkward as Davis fumbled after a 21-yard reception later in the first half. Imagine the locker room side-eye.

For Lawrence, it was a first win in 315 days. Now for a two-week business trip to London, where the Jags went 2-0 this time last year.

The ‘stops for nobody’ of the day

Kickers are proud beings. Creatures of habit. Athletes accustomed to loneliness and therefore required to operate with thick uncaring skin.

Nobody stops Greg Zuerlein from going through his pre-game routines. The Jets kicker was pictured warming up in the middle of the Vikings cheer team during their performance on the field at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. He cares not for pageantry.

Watch the Chicago Bears face the Jacksonville Jaguars at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in Week Six on Sunday October 13, live on Sky Sports NFL, with kickoff at 2.30pm; Also stream with NOW.

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